Last week my life took a major turn and yet continued to remain more or less the same. The Union Public Service Commission of India released the results of Mains Examination 2021. My roll number was not in that holy PDF. This was my final attempt at this glorious exam. About 9,70,000 aspirants applied for the Preliminary exam held in October and about 9000 of us made it to the next level – the Mains Examination held in January 2022. And now about 1800 will proceed for the personal interview to compete for 700 open positions of the elite civil services – the steel frame of India.
Many folks call this exam – The Great Indian Gamble. With odds like these, chances of making it all the way to the end seem bleak. And yet every year a motley group of candidates make it to the hallowed corridors of power. This fuels the belief and the passion that most civil services aspirants demonstrate every year. Some pursue the exam for its social standing, some for its path to power, some for the job stability and some for its impact potential. I wanted the job to make a difference. This drive kept me going throughout these years even at the cost of personal and professional priorities.
This part of my life may be a surprise to many but I deliberately kept this struggle mainly to myself while managing Breakfree/TISS/HR. It is a heavy burden best shared alone.
As this chapter comes to an end, here are some of my key takeaways from this beautiful journey.
Know Thyself: Self reflection is the most vital need of this exam. Having a lucid understanding of the challenge is essential but knowing yourself completely is a basic need. Radical candour towards yourself helps you to improve your performance. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses becomes a routine check-up, a self-care ritual. This extreme self insight has helped me to understand how I perceive the world. It helps me to be more objective in my approach. More clinical and at times a bit harsher on myself but it helps to deal with uncertainty and those unpleasant surprises that life throws at you.
Knowledge is Eternal: The vast syllabus of this exam means you develop a fair understanding of the Indian political structure, governance systems, Economy, Heritage of India and significance of global phenomenon. This knowledge has been an asset in all areas of my life. Whether it was cracking the TISSNET, or organising trips and walks at Breakfree or in my current role in HR at Samsung Research. This sound base of information helps me to build upon more advanced concepts and helps me to connect the dots, making problem solving easier. Taking on new knowledge is not as cumbersome as this exam puts you in the habit of learning.
Resilience is Underrated: Failing at the same thing over and over again makes you question your abilities. It shatters your self confidence. You begin to feel helpless. Comparison with peers ensues. This cycle of self doubt takes a toll on you. And yet, when you pick up the pieces and try to rebuild it all over again, you grow – bone and sinew. You begin to find strength in odd places. The Stoics begin to make sense. Motivation and discipline become your friends. The end result is that short term failures don’t deter you. Your ability to think long term strengthens as you learn to brave out the storms. In true Nietzsche fashion, what does not kill you makes you stronger. It makes you courageous.
Embrace Ambiguity to Reduce Stress: The syllabus is loosely defined and serves only as an indicator. The Commission expects all aspirants to think on their feet and every exam cycle is a stressful event. There is no set formula except general thumb rules and assumptions. But ambiguity remains a central tenet of the exam as it is of life. In this so-called VUCA world, being comfortable in ambiguous situations helps you to manage them more effectively. You remain alert and active. There is no room for complacency. You welcome less information, you start to make your own rules, you use it as an opportunity to be creative. You become original in your approach. In short, you thrive not despite the ambiguity but because of it.
Risk Taking and Trade-Offs are a Part of life: In Economics we all learn about efficient allocation of resources. Finding the equilibrium point between the demand and supply. In this exam, time and effort become scarce resources. How you allot them determines what happens in other areas of your life. In 2015, I took a year off from Breakfree Journeys to prepare fully for the exam and yet missed the prelims cut off by 0.7 marks.
It was a hard blow considering the opportunity costs I faced – the loss in market share and customer base, social media relevance, absence of income and so on. But it was worth it. The next year I took the TISSNET and almost effortlessly got into a much coveted program. I got placed in Samsung Research from campus and while on the job I managed to sail through both the prelims of 2020 and 2021. The risks that we take determine the quality of our life. This appetite for risk has helped me to build back and reimagine better.
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This journey has been an unpredictable one, always full of twists and turns, plenty of struggles and some sacrifice. But many folks knowingly and unknowingly have helped me to pursue this goal. And to them I am eternally grateful. I am also grateful for having had the privilege to pursue an outlandish goal like this.
The question of what next is looming large. My answer to that will take some time. However, one thing is certain – the motivation behind this pursuit was being able to contribute to nation building and to bring about a positive change in the lives of fellow Indians. That motivation continues to live on. I will find a way. Stay tuned.
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