Friendships at the workplace can be tricky. Some argue that it is best to maintain a healthy distance with colleagues. They cite the same logic to avoid workplace relationships, as they can become disruptive when things go south. But friendship comes naturally to us. The proximity, time spent together and multiple shared experiences including mutual dislike for certain processes (and people!) can result in formation of strong bonds. Workplace is also the place where you tend to spend more than 60 % of your awake time. So it is natural to end up making friends at work.
Does it make sense to have friends at work?
Yes and No.
Friendships can result into strong collaboration, purpose driven decision making, acts of selflessness and sacrifice which are all beneficial to the organisation. In turn you also get a support system at work which is good for your mental wellbeing. You are able to vent out and clear out your head whenever you feel the need to. You get the confidence on days when you feel low or nervous. An encouraging talk from your friends at work can transform a bad day.
On the other hand workplaces have finite rewards and opportunities. So it is inevitable that you will end up competing with your friends, especially if they work on the same team as yours. Confidential matters and decisions have to be withheld from certain staff members, which could include your friends. This creates a moral conundrum and could end up putting a strain on the relationship.
It takes a great deal of maturity from both the parties to understand the nuances of workplace dynamics in order to be able to navigate these situations. But this also depends on how intense the friendship is, which often is a factor of your tenure and past association with the person.
The Dark Sides of Workplace Friendships
While researching for this article, I came across an excellent paper published by Professor Juliana Pillemer and Professor Nancy P. Rothbard which investigates the dark sides of workplace friendship. They have mentioned a wide range of darker aspects including distraction from core work to withholding of information. Workplace friendships could create silos of knowledge which exclude other members and create a cartel-like group within the organisation. This can create a conflict of interest and unnecessary friction.
This can be detrimental to organisation as well individual success.
The net effect of workplace friendships, however, is hard to predict. In cultures where strong bonhomie is encouraged, where rewards are more socialistic in nature – friendships are likely to be encouraged and nurtured by the environment. In tournament style places, there may be little room for friendships but alliances and “situationships” are likely to emerge. So longevity and intensity of the friendship itself could be influenced by your organisational culture.
How to navigate workplace friendships?
In my personal view, I have greatly benefited from having strong workplace friendships. While the positives are clear – dealing with the dark sides is difficult. A few things which have helped me:
- Defining A Clear Agenda: When starting tasks together or working on new projects – it is important to keep the timelines, roles, KPIs and other matters clearly defined which lead to clear priorities. These help one navigate personal and professional matters very easily.
- Separating ideas from the person: A healthy debate which focuses on the ideas objectively helps to cull the bias towards your own friends.
- Devil’s Advocate: Playing the devil’s advocate helps to bring out alternate differing perspectives. With friends you may enjoy the security of dissecting ideas and plans without offending them.
- Feedback: A heart to heart with a friend is easier than with a co-worker who may not understand the intent behind the feedback. Soliciting and giving feedback with friends helps both the parties immensely.
- Friendships at Work require effort: Spending time and experiencing multiple events together help nurture bonds. Investing in friendships is hard work and when followed with genuine, authentic interest – it can yield surprising results.
In the end, a good friend at work can positively impact your work experience. Thus, maintaining and nurturing workplace friendships is a good idea but care must be taken to not let them get in the way of your own career goals as well as that of your organisation.