I have always considered myself to be good at making conversations. Knowing something about many things has been an added advantage. But this was not sufficient at the workplace.
Workplace dynamics especially for those in leadership positions is much different. At the management level, within HR and related roles, you are expected to be a problem solver. It is therefore very important to understand the problem well.
Some problems are identified through data analysis. But most problems need more nuance than that. In order to understand the root cause of issues, including people issues, it is important to listen and to listen well.
Listening well is difficult. Though it can be powerful once perfected. It helps to build trust and forge a strong bond with the speaker.
Over the last few months, I have tried hard to become a better listener. A thing I should have done much earlier. Because I now realise that being a good speaker just doesn’t cut it.
I turned to Coaching for some inspiration. We had learnt about it at college but I really experienced it at work when Master Coach – Nitin conducted a few sessions for me and my buddy Parth.
So I dug deeper and started practicing a few techniques. Here are some of them which I have found to be most impactful.
Staying on One Topic
Often times, 1:1s can go all over the place. But coaches stay on one topic. They encourage you to finish one topic fully before moving onto the next. They draw clear boundaries. This form of elucidation helps to cover multiple dimensions of the same topic. This is invaluable when framing the problem & issues really bothering them.
Being Curious
Probing questions are powerful. Such as – why exactly was this important to you? What was your initial assessment of the situation? Or simply – what else? These probing questions help to flesh out the issue in greater detail. Besides, a followup question shows that you are really listening. Because it is possible to fake listening, simply with a nod and a “hmm” while thinking of something else.
Suspending Judgement
It is impossible to not be judgemental. Coaches don’t react to what the speaker. They only seek to understand the rationale behind words and actions. Controlling your body language is difficult, hence controlling your mind which produces reactions is more important. This can be a deal breaker especially when the speaker is being vulnerable. This was difficult for me. But I have tried working on this. Listening to others well involves knowing yourself better too.
Save your Advice
It is in my nature to jump to give a comment or an advice when I hear of a problem. The moment someone says that they have a problem, I used to put on my proverbial cape and jump in to make their problem mine and save them. In fact, unless asked, avoid giving advice (this is a paradox!).
Asking questions which help the speaker to come up with solutions may help. This requires a thorough following of the previous three points. But when followed, the outcomes are beautiful. One of the reasons why Therapy works is that the answers hidden within ourselves get revealed.
I can’t say I have made great progress. But this change in approach has helped me. I will continue working on this.
Some resources for those of you who would like to become better listeners:
- The Tao of Coaching – Max Landsberg
- The Coaching Habit – Michael Bungay Stainer
- The Advice Trap – Michael Bungay Stainer