A few years ago when I first stayed at a luxury hotel, I was filled with dread. Even though the stay was paid for I felt like I didn’t belong there. And that I would be thrown out of the fine establishment. Even though I had earned my spot there I was not convinced.
Cut to a meeting with the MD, in an imposing boardroom, I felt like I was going to be called out for being an impostor amongst the seasoned folks. My pivot tables would betray me and my charts were based on incorrect data and that I was only a pseudo professional.Even though I had run my validation checks.
Another time when leading a walk, an innocuous question by a participant made me question my own research. Of course, their source was whatsapp and mine was the Gazetteer – but I still panicked a bit knowing that I have no formal training in history.
What unites all these three episodes is the feeling of being an impersonator. An outsider, an imposter. Someone who entered that world by deceit and someone who didn’t belong there entirely. Someone waiting to be unmasked and exposed to the real world as a make-believe professional. Later I was to discover that psychologists call this feeling the imposter syndrome.
Even though it is not a disorder, imposter syndrome affects countless professionals who fail to believe that they have earned their place in the world and that their skills really matter. This has a negative impact on one’s confidence, self esteem and relationships. One is always on tenterhooks in high stake situations, anticipating the straw that would break the workhorse’s back.
As I continued to grapple with the resultant anxiety, I realised a few things. One, that most professionals including the accomplished ones continue to doubt themselves. This works both ways. Either you become particular and fastidious about everything that you do thus creating high quality work. Or else you are crippled by self doubt and make grave errors. Secondly, the syndrome can go away if you start practicing gratitude and accept the reality as the way it comes. And thirdly, the syndrome is particularly complex and there is no easy solution for it.
I even asked fellow professionals on how they manage this. And many of them shared the various steps that they take to ensure the syndrome doesn’t impact them negatively. One of the most common actions was reflecting on how far they have come. This helps to crystallise and really quantify their journey and measure progress.
The next common was an inward focus and avoiding all sorts of comparison. This comparison with peers, batchmates, even family members has a natural tendency to pull ourselves down (and our self confidence). And the third most common was just embracing it. Knowing that this syndrome exists gives you the power to take corrective action. And that keeps one going till the very end. However, in the end, removing oneself from the environment itself may help as well. That takes courage and guts.
I continue to work with this syndrome and I am sure many of you too. But in the end, trusting in yourself continues to be the best antidote for every instance for when the syndrome strikes.